Who is Kate Beckett
by blueaeryn1
Summary: The psychiatrist Kate Beckett has been seeing asked Who is Kate Beckett? The question rocks the often stoic NYPD detective.
1. Chapter 1

"Who is Kate Beckett," he asked.

The question hung in the air like a lead balloon. The room was quiet, just the slight sound of a ticking clock.

Kate Beckett stared at the man across from her. The therapist she had been seeing on an off for a month, since she returned to the job. He had cleared her, she had passed her psyche evaluation to return to work, but she came back to him just days after donning her detectives badge again.

In her second day back, she had frozen. The suspect had pulled a gun on her and she couldn't move. Her hands shook, her breathing was labored and all she could think about was the sniper's bullet that had burrowed in her chest at Captain Montgomery's funeral.

Kate had a chance to redeem herself. Or what she saw as a chance, the next day. The real murder suspect pulled a shotgun on her, in the same dingy warehouse. Except this time Richard Castle was standing behind her. She kept hearing him tell her she had this, she could do it. And she finally talked the man down and he dropped his weapon.

But Castle couldn't be her crutch. He couldn't be behind her every minute of every day telling her she could do this job,that she wouldn't feel the bullet pierce her chest each time she faced a perp with a gun.

So, she had made the decision to go back to the shrink. To talk to him about what she was going through, to tell him the truth.

When she had first started going to see him, as a mandate for her release back to active duty, she had lied to him. She had told the psychiatrist that she didn't remember anything about the shooting. Didn't remember being shot, didn't remember the moments after.

But that was a lie. And when she started going back to see him, after returning to duty, she told him the truth. She had remembered everything, the shooting, the feel of the bullet and what Richard Castle had said to her.

After being shot, Kate had felt Rick Castle's weight upon her as he tackled her to the ground. She could feel his hands on her chest, trying to stop the bleeding, the crimson life force flowing from her body like a flood, soaking into her pristine white gloves and on his hands.

As she was fading into unconsciousness, she heard his declaration. Richard Castle, playboy best-selling novelist who had followed her around for almost three years, annoyed her, embarrassed her and claimed she was his muse, loved her.

And that scared the hell out of her. So, when he came into her hospital room and told him she didn't remember anything, she did it to avoid the feelings bubbling up inside her. But they were there. It was why she broke up with Josh and why she avoided Castle during her recovery. She loved him too, but just didn't know how to tell him, how to be with him and how to move forward.

So, it threw Kate Beckett when the psychiatrist asked her who she was. Of course she knew who she was.

"Kate Beckett, NYPD Detective," she said with a hint of pride.

"That is what you do," he said as he scribbled something in his notebook. "Who is Kate Beckett?"

The simple question rattled the often stoic Kate Beckett. Richard Castle's words came back to haunt her. He had said pretty much the same thing in her apartment all those months ago, when he begged her to stop looking into her mother's murder, just two days before she was shot. Castle had told her she had crawled into her mother's murder and hadn't come out.

Had she really lost herself? Once Katherine Beckett was a typical young woman from an affluent family and she loved her life. She was enjoying college life at NYU and she had decided to be a theatre major. One incident, one shot in a dark alley robbed her of not only her mother but of herself.

It hit her harder then she thought it would. Johanna Beckett wasn't the only one murdered 12 years ago, the carefree young girl named Katie Beckett also died, replaced by a hardened and bitter young woman who put all her rage and grief from her mother's murder into her job at the NYPD.

Who is Kate Beckett? His words kept ringing in her ears. And she guessed it was a question she needed to answer along with who she wanted to be. And when she could discover that, then she could find out who she could be with Richard Castle.


	2. Chapter 2

"Who is Kate Beckett?" The question kept reverberating through her as she entered the 12th precinct.

Luckily she hadn't had to give her psychiatrist an answer when he asked her. He had given her a reprieve and told her to think on the question and give him an answer in their next session.

Who is Kate Beckett?

She was still deep in thought as she made her way to her desk. Placing her purse in her desk drawer, she looked to her left and noticed the chair beside her empty. The absence of Richard Castle in the precinct bothered her more then she cared to admit.

Where was he? Sure she was late coming in this morning, but she half expected Castle to be waiting at the door for her, asking why she was late.

Kate had just settled in at her desk and turned on her computer when a large paper cup came into her eye sight. She could feel a smile spreading across her face. There he is she said to herself.

"Espisito said you were coming in late, so I ran some errands and came back with more coffee," Castle informed her. "The other cup got cold waiting for you." He sounded like a little boy upset that Mommy wasn't on time to pick him up from school.

"Sorry, Castle," she looked up at him and smiled. "I had an errand myself this morning. I didn't know I needed to check in."

"No problem," Castle said as he plopped down in his chair.

Kate shook her head. That damn chair. Castle should have a plaque on it, because no matter who else sits in it, she believed it would always belong to Castle.

"This place is dead," he said with a chuckle. "Pun intended," he said leaning into her and giving her a wink.

"Yeah, it has been pretty quiet," Kate said as she opened a file. There was always paperwork to do even if they were case-less. "Sorry we don't have a juicy case for you."

"It's okay," Castle conceded as he rose from his chair. "It's just as well, I really should be writing."

"You're leaving," Kate said with a hint of regret in her voice.

"Why Katherine Beckett, if I didn't know any better, I would say you want me to stick around here with you," Castle told her. He picked up his jacket on the chair and slipped it on. "As much as I would love that, I have Nikki Heat calling me and an ex-wife editor riding me to finish it."

"I understand," Beckett said as she looked up at him. "When Nikki Heat calls you come running,"

"No," Castle shook his head. "Nikki answers to me and I come when you call."

Kate dipped her head and tried to hide the heat rising into her face.

"So, what is Nikki up to these days?" Yes, Kate admitted it. She was asking the question to keep Castle here with her just a little bit longer.

"Well, that would be a spoiler, and you know I don't do spoilers," Castle tossed her one of his famous devilish grin. "Plus, if it got out, Gina would kill me."

"Who am I going to tell," Kate said getting a little miffed he wouldn't tell her. "After all, you have said from the beginning Nikki is me, so it is like telling me what I am up to."

Castle kicked up a grin and shook his head at Kate's logic. "Fine, I will whisper it to you." He leaned down to her ear. Kate could feel his breath on her neck. And then he whispered something that rocked her to her very core.

Three little words about Nikki Heat had her mind reeling.

"Really," Kate said with a shocked expression. "You are going there."

"Already there," Castle said as he backed away. "Imagine how that can change the whole perspective of a character."

"Yeah," Kate simply nodded. "It would."

"I'll talk to you soon, Detective Beckett," Castle told her as he backed away. "Call me if a body drops." With that and his little Nikki Heat bombshell, Castle left the 12th and Kate Beckett speechless.

Who is Kate Beckett? The question bubbled up again. Who is Kate Beckett and why did Richard Castle just make Nikki Heat pregnant?


End file.
